This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
