I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How external is "for external use only"?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize