Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
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