What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
