At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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