The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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