There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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