I'm so fucking centered right now
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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