was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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