Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
