I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize