I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
