So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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