Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
