Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
