just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
