I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
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I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
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This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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