That's intense
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
