I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
