You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize