Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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