SEEEEXXX PLEASE
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
