so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
