he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
