I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
