$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
