it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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