I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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