well you can't waste a boner
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
