For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize