haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
