well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
sarcasm needs its own font
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
