She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
