i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
