Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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