my vag is so smooth its legendary
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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