got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize