When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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