oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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