you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
