she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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