Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
