I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
