i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
