hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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