Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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