good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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