White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
