My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize