I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
