Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
