It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He shit in the fireplace
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