Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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