Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
