The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
