You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
