I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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