so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
