Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
