If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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